I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
