All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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