i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
