Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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