You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
we made out on top of his cat.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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