Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
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