Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
