Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
