i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I booty called her while she was in labor.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
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