there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
