so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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