Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
