Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
