You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Boobs are out for the taking
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
