I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
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