Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
