Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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