I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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