A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
