well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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