Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
barbara walters just said penis...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
