New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
