my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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