Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
birth control should be required to get into college
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
