ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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