I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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