I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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