Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
