My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My penis needs a shock collar
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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