i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
