Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
