end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize