I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
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