How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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