Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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