Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We left an ass print on the piano.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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