i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
