Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Are my feet made of real feet?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
