Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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