oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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