four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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