he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
