if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
