There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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