I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
