i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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