Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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