i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
