Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
