Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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