Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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