if i can run in heels then i can drive
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
