:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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