Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
they're like a gay fantastic four
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
