so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
