New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
