How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
