He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
