i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
