So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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