You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
where are my pants?
in the oven.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
