He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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