I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm too high and old for this...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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